I live for.

I'm waking up, so this isn't going to be an intelligent view of myself, because after highschool, I truly don't know who I am.. or who I want to become. Life is taking me into all new directions, & sculpting me in ways I thought impossible, but I'm ready. It's scary not knowing, but exciting at the same time.

Fucking rant;

even though this won’t even matter, I just need to type it out, because it’s been stuck in my damn head, because no one listens to me anyways.

you make me sound like a worthless piece of shit, better yet, you make me feel like one. I can never live up to your standards, and I can never be right. you are queen, and no one will argue with that. you say you’re confident, yet you run to everyone for compliments. You say I don’t do enough, yet I’m doing all I can. I feel unappreciated, I’ve come to be cold towards you, because all you constantly do, is degrade me, and put me down. you constantly have to one up me, like you give a fuck? no. because your too drowned out in your own high school bullshit, and drama, I cannot wait till I see the day when your world collapses around you. as sickening as that sounds. I just can’t wait.

Karma’s a bitch, and it will come to you.

I just need somebody;

to talk too…is that so much to ask for?…

I’ve left everything behind,

packed up my bags, into my car, and drove.

It’s like when you wake up, realizing that something is missing, and before you forget they’re gone, you don’t even remember they were there. And it’s like an empty gut wrenching realization that you’re finally alone, for the first time in quite some time, and your routine is all fucked up, and your morning is off, and your coffee doesn’t taste right, because they didn’t make it for you. The house is quiet. And you’re wondering, where did everything go, so quickly, and where are the things that used to be there? You’re so utterly off track, that you don’t even know how to start of your day. You feel hopeless, and scared, cause everything was riding on that significant. You had so much faith, and so much optimism, and its just torn from you. Like it was never even there.

and I lost it, I lost him. and i lost the very last hope that I had for love.

to be loved again.

and it’s all gone.